Helium Head

In my next life, I want to be an air head. Why? Air heads lack certain brain cells that control thoughts of any consequence. In other words, there’s not a whole hell of a lot going on in there. Ignorance is bliss, right? I, on the other hand, was born with an overload of those certain brain cells, which results in too many thoughts of consequence that could lead to explosion of the head.

I worked with an air head named Stephanie. She was sweet. She was cute. She had lots of outfits. She had lots of makeup and magazines. Stephanie’s work day consisted of talking on the phone with friends, leafing thru fashion magazines, deciding what to wear to the club on Friday nite, applying lipgloss every 30 minutes and occasionally, typing, while doing all of the above at the same time.

While Stephanie was wondering why her last date didn’t call her, I was in my office wondering about the meaning of life. Oh, to be Stephanie, when my brain was on overdrive causing major head pain.

Having a conversation with Stephanie was both fascinating and infuriating. It was, also, entertaining. I kept a list of what I call Stephanie-isms. So, here you go….

Stephanie says: When the fan hits the ceiling. Stephanie means: When the shit hits the fan.

Stephanie says: Whobout. Stephanie means: How about

Stephanie says: Do I need a passport to Mexico? …no comment

Stephanie says: He’s the big Mahoffa Boss. Stephanie means: Big Mahoff

Stephanie says: the lawn had a gazoobo. Stephanie means Gazebo

Stephanie says: He looked like Little Lloyd Faulkner. Stephanie means: Little Lord Fauntleroy

 

Stephanie says: The jewelry was in the first casket on the left. Stephanie means: the first  case on the left.

 

Stephanie says: I had the best SirLion steak last nite. Stephanie means” Sirloin

Get my drift?

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