When you reach overload status

I was optimistic about 2014. I talked to friends New Year’s Eve. I slept well. I felt as good as could be expected. All seemed right with the world. I got up….took a shower…and got dressed. Well, almost. My favorite top, that I practically live in was nowhere to be found. The top has special meaning for me. My mom bought it for me a few months before she passed away.  It was a link to her. We didn’t have the same taste, but this time she got it right. A soft dark grey, long sleeved tee shirt with delicate pale yellow flower embroidery on the front. When I couldn’t find it, I panicked. Then, I remembered. I had done laundry yesterday. I made a dash for the laundry room, opening every washer and dryer in the room. Nothing. There are hangers on the wall near the door for lost items. Nothing.  When I got back to my apartment I just  started sobbing uncontrollably. It was gone. My mom had given it to me. What made it worse was that, this week, will be the anniversary of her death. I needed to find it. Obsession replaced grief. I typed out a notice to the building, describing the shirt, in detail. Please…Please…if anyone found it…my mom gave this to me….please return it.  Within minutes, the building sent out a  mass email. I, also, put a notice on the bulletin board in the laundry room, probably lost among the help wanted/need a painter/a plumber/caregiver/ sofa/ massage/ guitar lessons. I was on a see saw of emotion and all it did was exhaust me.

Then, I received some gifts. My soul sister, Tosha, always is the voice of reason. She is a sweet soul who always finds the good in people. She can be a snarky hot mess, but she believes in her heart that people are good. She reminded me that the shirt was a material item, but the memory of my mother was forever. I was stubborn and, I know, drove her nuts today. But, with her help,, I was able to find my center and calm down. She tweeted me lovely videos. She stayed with me, via FaceBook messenger, she had my back all day, even when she had a full plate. And for that, I will always adore her.

Then, I received another gift. I’ve been told that I am psychic and have had several experiences. One of them involves my  dad. He was a heavy smoker and passed away, too soon, from cancer caused by smoking. I was daddy’s little girl. Every now and then, I experience the scent of cigarette smoke in my room. Tonight, the scent was overpowering and it stayed with me for about an hour. I began to meditate and ask questions. The answers came. Maybe, not from my dad, but maybe from myself.  My dad, like Tosha, stayed with me until I felt like myself, again. I love you daddy.

Another gift arrived, in the form of an email from a friend. This person lives in total chaos 24/7 but pops up when you least expect it. Many of our emails are like lifetime movies, but lately they have been short. Today, it was back to normal…if they can ever be normal. Without my friend knowing, they made me smile and centered me, yet again.

Of course, I had to be a drama queen and post about the shirt on facebook. But, the loving comments that were left were gifts that I wasn’t expecting.

It’s been 12 hours since the “shirt” incident. The gifts I received today have given me back my sanity……for now… and, I have a feeling that me and my grey shirt will be reunited soon.  If not, I am grateful and learned more lessons today. It’s all good, 2014.

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